Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
