I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
