So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
