Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
