I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So. Much. Porn.
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