i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
