I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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