Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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