i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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