yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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