my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
