I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
