mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
