My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
