Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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