are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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