I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
