Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
