i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
