Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
