please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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