but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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