I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
