Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I only lived at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize