why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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