Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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