I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
