Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
