There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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