Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
either way he was missing a nipple.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
