is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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