Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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