The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
