This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
