If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
