look no pants
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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