i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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