Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
