This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
