I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
