There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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