dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
