It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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