$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
