i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
