i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His hands were made for my vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
