Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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