i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
