She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
