I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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