Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
