everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
