I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
