her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
