I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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