Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
