Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
