I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
