She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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