so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
