We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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