I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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