Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
