I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
