Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm too high and old for this...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize