i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
