Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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