the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
