I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
